Thou dare set thine eyes upon my glorious webpage?
Bow before thy great and evil queen, Sarah of the realm Santa Cruz
A few simple rules by which I govern my realm:
- No subject may address me directly or gaze into my eyes.
- All subjects must recognize that my eyebrows are superior to all.
- All subjects must brand my name onto the surface of their skin as a token of loyalty.
- Every third Friday of the month the entire realm must celebrate my excellent queenship.
- All subjects must recognize me as the fairest of them all, the fairest to ever exist.
- All slander and gossip should be directed towards the hideous and wretched delinquent, Snow White.
Reasons why I am better than Snow White:
- My eyebrows slay and hers are weaker than my useless husband is, which is saying a lot.
- I am ruling an entire kingdom singlehandedly. What has she done? Oh yeah, moved in with 7 pint-sized miners.
- I can poison apples and make manly men cry peasant baby tears. She needs animals to help her get dressed.
- My title is QUEEN. hers is PEASANT.
Further evidence of my superiority in all matters can be found here.
For more evil and queenly information, my servants can be reached via email here.