How to fight fires, a beginners guide.

Dedicated to those who are "noobs" at fire fighting,

and who would certainly perish in the case of a fire,

or at the very least lose an eyebrow or two.

Hi There!
Now, some of you may own your house. An example is posted below.

I built this house myself during the winter of 2013, and I must say, it is a nice house. It has:

But even the sturdiest of houses can burn down.

Even IronMan couldn't save this one. So now I write this guide, so that others can prevent the unthinkable from happening to them.

I even made it rhyme.

If your house is burning down, and no one else can hear the sound

Then do not panic, shout or faint, this guide will save your bathroom paint.

  1. Call 911 if in the states, then if there's time, call your mates
  2. Fill a bucket up with water, pour on fire, shout "I got her!"
  3. Wait until your friends are here, then roast a sausage, drink a beer
  4. Then let the firemen do their job, and celebrate with Jim and Bob

Note: This guide has worked for fires of the tiny-sized kind following the tiny-small-medium-large sizing standard.

If this guide failed to save your house, then I encourage you to send me an email at Here is a link to a site with better information. Website created by Andrew Gilchrist, last updated 7/11/2013.