By Laura Oswald
My mom has been a 1st grade teacher for ten years; when I became a tutor she figured that it was fitting to give me advice. She told me that to be a good teacher you have to expect that unexpected situations will arise and that they are nor your fault or under your control. This rings truer now than before I became a writing assistant. Of course by now you have heard what to do during your first session, how to deal with all the clichés about starting tutoring. I remember reading the reader at the beginning of the quarter. I read everything from how to deal with ESL students to the differences between male and female tutees. For my paper, I want to delve into my own ongoing moral debate about being the mediator between teacher and student. Within one week of meeting with my students I was caught in a dilemma that bordered being an active and trustworthy listener to my students and an active protestor to the way that my instructor was teaching.
Before I met with my class I was excited and full of anticipation to start meeting my students. I did everything I was supposed to: contacted my writing coordinator and instructor, and made a sign up sheet. The first set-back to my ideal quarter was the instructor’s lack of knowledge of the tutoring program and his ill understanding of my duties. Unfortunately he conveyed this to his students. He believed that my only duty was to help his students pass Subject A and help them with grammar; I knew better. On the first day of class for Writing 169, my fellow tutors and I were asked to make a list of what we thought our duties were. I wrote down such things as; improve their confidence, help them with organization, make them feel comfortable in our one-on-one session, and obviously improve their writing. Nothing I listed involved helping them pass Subject A and I definitely did not set a goal to work intensely on their grammar. I decided that I needed to talk to his class in person and clarify my duties and illustrate what the importance of my job was. I walked into the class very confident that they would agree.
I began by introducing myself and why I wanted to be a tutor. I stressed how much I had benefited from the program. My freshmen year, I was placed in the Core course with other students who had also not passed the Subject A exam. I was assigned a tutor (required by the class) that I was to meet with once a week to go over my essays. I threw myself into the tutoring 100 percent and swore that I would do everything necessary to improve my writing. I came out of the program with a new found confidence, a better understanding of my writing, and I passed the Subject A. How could anyone pass up the same opportunity I was given, when I knew how positive the outcome could be? I was in utter disbelief of the hostility I felt. Even the first mention of meeting with me once a week was met with ridicule and crude language, such that soon my composure turned into defense and aggravation. I was in complete shock. Many students felt offended that I had even fathomed the idea of having a tutor. The instructor remained silent while the students jumped on their soap boxes and cursed at my idea to pay 69 dollars for some “broad to teach them how to write.” They believed that apparently a person at the admittance office had made a monumental mistake and placed them in the Subject A core course.
It was inexorable torture that I had to endure to have those who were serious about getting help signed up. Once my defenses were up, my self-control waned and I lost all verbal control. My attitude changed so drastically I did not realize how quickly I began to argue back and my tone of voice became brash. I stood there, eyes beginning to swell up, heart racing, stuttering, I realized that it was time to leave. I collected the sign up sheet I had passed around in the beginning of class and wrote my email address on the chalkboard. I was rendered helpless. This explanation does little or no justice to the humiliation and disrespect I felt. I was infuriated; I was there to help them and I was shown no appreciation. The instructor should have stopped the tutor bashing after the first uncouth comment, his silence only exacerbated the situation.
I was very shaken and upset when I went home. I wanted the students to be reprimanded for their outbursts and blatant disrespect, or for some sort of disciplinary action to be taken. I wrestled with the idea of complaining to my writing coordinator. I felt that it was a cop out. I wanted to feel capable of doing a job that I knew I could to do. I felt I needed to deal with the situation on my own. I am a second year college student; am I going to complain about the instructor and the class within the first week? I had not even met with my students yet, how was I to deal with other problems that were sure to arise? I looked at the scenario as if I were in another job: if there was a problem at my old job would I go and tell my boss? Yes. Telling her of my problem seemed only natural after that. I wanted my coordinator to know that my anger with the class stemmed from the instructor’s lack of control over his rowdy and immature class. This inability to facilitate a class was a reflection on him, so this is probably where my disgruntlement towards the instructor began. I did not want to feel like I was tattling on him to my coordinator. On the contrary, I also knew that talking to my college coordinator would make me feel better knowing that she knew where I stood.
I illustrated the problem to the best of my capability. I appreciated her listening, compassion and sensitivity towards the situation and my feelings. She told me that it was not my fault, which was very comforting to hear. I managed to feel some closure on this issue. Writing this essay now, I realize that I am still not over being called some quite colorfully foul and obscene words.
Unfortunately this was not the last encounter with my instructor’s lack of professionalism. A session in particular with one of my tutees was relatively “informative.” When asked why there was no essay to go over, I was told that the instructor had missed class, no, had forgotten to show up. Ironically, and misfortunately, this was the class that the assignment was supposed to be discussed and handed out. In all, two class periods had been missed, students had been stranded at office hours, a prompt had been assigned without review, and a poor understanding of his expectations became second nature. When is enough, enough? How do I deal with an instructor who makes my job harder and sometimes impossible to do? To best answer these questions I think that it is necessary to first establish how I got into this dilemma.
In the first couple of sessions I would ask the students how their class was going. I never imagined the frustration that was expressed towards the instructor and the structure of the course. I was caught in a difficult predicament. I wanted the students to feel that they could express their feelings and concerns, but my job was not to be their psychologist, I was their writing tutor. I did not want the entire thirty minutes to be a gossip session complaining about the instructor. When the students would walk in with nothing to go over I was very skeptical, because I tutored for two classes so I knew how far behind the Subject A students were in comparison.
I expressed to the students that I did not think that it was fair to their education that the teacher did not show up to class or office hours, and that is as far as it went. I tried to be as mature as I could; I knew how critical it was not to voice my true feelings toward the instructor. It was not appropriate for me to talk about their instructor; it was something that I had to keep to myself and my coordinator. This year students had to pay for their tutoring and I believe that it was a waste of time having my tutees talk about how badly their course was going. I wanted background on the course so I could structure my advice and help decipher the instructor’s less than forthcoming comments, but I did not want the problems to overshadow what my goals were.
I was torn with telling my coordinator of the problems that foiled my perfect quarter. I did not want to get the instructor in trouble. I also knew that nothing was going to change if I did not tell someone. I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn’t; this was a catch-22 that I could not avoid. If I could give one piece of advice that I wish I had followed, is that it is best to first tell your writing coordinator of any problems that hinder you in anyway that limits your ability to tutor. I should not have hesitated to tell my coordinator about the disappointments and disrespect I felt from meeting with the class. How can you expect something to get done if you do not tell the people that can help? The answer is: you can’t.
I believe some of the more personal details do not need to be shared with the coordinator, just need to be dealt with in a timely manner. For instance, sometimes my students would stress to me that they felt like an out-cast in the class environment or graded more meticulously than other students. There is only so much that I could do from a tutor’s stand point, so I advised the student that they needed to talk to the instructor themselves. In extreme situations (when the instructor can only solve the problem, i.e., when the prompts were not read) which seem to carry on into other sessions it is best to go to the instructor directly. I played a positive role in improving my situation. I called my instructor and told him that one of the prompts was given without clarification and that I was spending a bulk of my measly thirty minutes constructing a clear understanding of the prompt. He understood and changed his approach for the next essay. Needless to say, I never had to encounter this particular problem again.
After getting an essay back, many of my students were unclear on his comments, and thought that they had done exactly what was expected of them. When they were unclear on his comments, and they wanted me to tell them what he meant, I advised the students to take it upon them to get further clarification from him directly. There is a very fine line between ignoring the problems and addressing them in the correct manner and also between professionalism and sensitivity. I always wanted to do the right thing but sometimes that meant not doing my job to the fullest of my potential and that is not fair to the students or to me. I tried to weed out the problems that the students needed to handle themselves, like their own personal problems with the instructor.
I did not know what outside factors might be affecting his teaching, but I really did not care. My job was to help the students with their writing. I felt that I was doing the instructor’s job and using my sessions discussing things that should have been addressed in class or in office hours. This took time away from working directly with their essays. The most important piece of advice that I can give to anyone is to keep your feelings toward the instructor to yourself and your coordinator. Bad mouthing the instructor is unprofessional, petty, and more importantly gets you and the tutee’s progress nowhere. When the instructor makes it harder or creates more work for you as a tutor then certain steps need to be taken.
First try and deal with the situation in your own knowledgeable way. If all else fails talk to the instructor and coordinator. Have a meeting between yourself and the instructor. It is also probably best to have the coordinator mediate. Planning a successful quarter as a writing tutor begins by preparing yourself for many unforeseen problems. Foremost, understand that although you may strive to a perfect assistant, many of the things that will and do go wrong are not under your control but that does not lessen your competency. The writing assistant program was developed to assist students with their writing, not to make an instructor a better one.
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