By Jordan Burnier
I wanted all of my tutees to like me, to feel comfortable about sharing their personal experiences and writings with me, and tap into me for confidence and direction in their first year of college. By trying to create a comfortable and friendly atmosphere, however, I neglected to secure a balance in my relationships which would have enabled me to exercise the authority needed to yank productivity out of every student. Halfway through the quarter, I reflected on my many tutoring sessions and began to wonder, when was it that I first bent over and let my tutees kick me in the ass? As we define our roles as assistants we sometimes forget that being overly nice and complimenting can lead students to disregard their “peer’s” suggestions, not take tutoring sessions seriously, and hinder the improvements that might otherwise develop from working with a tutor. While it is necessary to form a bond with your tutees, you must equate this pleasing side of yourself with a more challenging and get-down-to-business side. Otherwise, you might soon find yourself demoted from writing assistant to just plain writing ass.
Creating a successful balance is a difficult task. From what I’ve learned as a tutor, I believe that it is essential to come into your first couple of sessions in a warm, friendly manner in order to get to know your tutees on a level that will allow you to open a window into their thoughts. By showing them your friendly nature you will gain their trust, which will hopefully allow you to have access to their past writing triumphs and failures. If you do not approach your tutees as a peer, they will not be as comfortable sharing their ideas with you, and it will be hard for you to determine effective strategies to help a student if you do not have a notion of their background with writing. I asked my tutees what they felt their strengths and weaknesses were so I could begin to understand when to challenge or support them. One of them shrugged and said, “I put all my commas in the right spots.” (He did not correctly place his commas, however, but that is not relevant here.) If you have trouble getting someone to open up, share one of your own experiences to break the ice, and maybe they’ll be able to relate. At least, if nothing else, it might give your tutee a good laugh. After you’re able to determine ways to help ease your tutees’ writing qualms, you can be sure you have successfully utilized your “friendly” tutor half and secured one major part of the balance that writing assistants must create to ensure productive tutoring sessions.
As aforementioned, I used my genuine good nature to build solid relationships with my tutees, but instead of restoring a balance in our relationships, I poured on the charm by overusing compliments when I should have been more challenging. Because I wanted my tutees to feel confident in their writing, I complimented their papers until the cows came home. Although I was sincere, I neglected to recognize that you can wear out the effectiveness of your compliments. Repetitive praise drones out what the tutees need to hear. While they may do a fantastic job of something, there is always room for improvements. To prevent an overload of sweet-talk, be specific when you compliment tutees so they know what they are doing well, but don’t just use flattery to butter them up. If you are not selective with your approval, the tutees will think you are just trying to be nice and will not gain any confidence or insight into their writing abilities.
Because I was afraid to hurt anyone’s feelings, I created more problems in my tutoring sessions. I didn’t know being too nice would have negative side effects. Instead of taking my directions seriously, many of my tutees thought I was merely suggesting areas where they could improve their papers; none of them thought it was necessary to make changes even though their papers were in dire need of a makeover. One tutee engaged a prompt by exhibiting a clear representation of his own opinions, and I commended him for it, but I amiably told him that his teacher wanted him to include a critical analysis of the readings and to support his own ideas with what the authors argued in assigned texts. Unfortunately, the tutee took my comments to mean that he his paper was a masterpiece (I mean, how could it not be with all those compliments?) and didn’t need to change anything because I only “suggested” things for him to do. I should have been more straightforward, but I didn’t know any better at the time. After the student got his D+ paper back I knew my style had to change in order to get through to my tutees. Unfortunately, before I figured out how to get in touch with my inner disciplinarian, I encountered more difficulties.
Not only does a writing assistant’s unchecked friendliness hinder the productivity of the tutoring sessions, but it can lead tutees to thinking that they don’t need to show up or plan to meet with you very often, if at all. If you become too much of a peer, you lose your writing “expertise” and your students will begin to think your advice is no more helpful than any friend’s and definitely not as experienced or pertinent as their own. You may not always have the answers, but after the time and preparation you’ve spent as a tutor, you definitely have a better grasp on how to improve a person’s writing process than most freshman do. If you don’t assert yourself as a tutor, your sessions will be less fruitful than if your tutee looked up to you as someone who holds the key to a better writing career in college. I had almost everyone of my students cancel tutoring sessions frequently, even when a paper was due that week. Not only did I know they needed my help, I needed the money. Frustrated, I realized that the tutees didn’t want to waste their time listening to suggestions from me (their pal) every week. However, as soon as I began to tell each person the importance of their papers and really forced them to make changes, brainstorm, and search for new, better ideas, my schedule was completely booked with sessions. Everyone became more focused because I was more serious about them improving on another level than before. This was the beginning of me restoring a balance, and I was rewarded with vast improvements and hard work from each of my tutees.
The secret to finding a perfect balance lies in knowing yourself and understanding your tutees’ needs. Obviously, you don’t shout at or push someone who’s near the edge of a cliff. In tutoring terms, being too demanding and stern could be deadly to a freshman’s writing success. On the other side of the coin, don’t be nice just because you think you should. Be genuine and have a purpose for your friendliness. One time my tutee came to session teary-eyed because her professor butchered her paper with not so constructive criticism and even wrote the dreaded “see me after class,” at the bottom of it. While I knew I caused many inefficiencies by being overly nice, this was not the time to assert my authority and lose all sensitivity. Instead, I found a way to get fruitful results from joining up with her as a team against her teacher. As a friend, I told her the professor had lost his marbles and was unfair because he disguised what he expected of her. After raising her spirits, I made it clear that it would take a lot of effort to change her paper to what he wanted, but I was willing to work if she was. She understood that in order to beat her instructor, she had to fight his comments by improving her paper. We adjusted most of the essay to coincide with what the professor wanted, and after we addressed every comment my tutee looked at me and said, “See me after class. See this!” (As she triumphantly pointed to her rear end.) Getting someone this excited about improving their writing taught me how important my job is to make sure I am someone my tutees can confide in, while simultaneously forcing them to put in effort to achieve their goals.
This situation is only one of many that you may possibly encounter as a tutor and thankfully, the way I balanced myself worked out well for my tutee. How else can we balance our reassuring demeanor with enough force to produce positive experiences? Like most tutors, I believe that you don’t need to be a shark to achieve results. Some assistants might think that asserting your position makes you equivalent to just another hated figure in the tutees’ writing experiences, but this doesn‘t have to be the case.
Using authority to create an effective balance with your tutees does not have to be exponentially strict because asserting your power won’t be all whips and handcuffs. (We’re just not that dominating.) The clout needed to balance your sugary approaches can be defined as something as harmless as being consistent and straightforward. For example, to make sure your tutee remembers and engages in what goes on in session, make him/her write it down. If they mention a great idea, be straight with them and say that sometimes us geniuses forget the brilliant things we say when we’re at home and tired so write everything down so you can refer back to it later. This exhibits a firm, but pleasing instruction that lets the tutee know why you are making them do something. After this is accomplished, be consistent. If you tell them to prove why all males enjoy being naked, as argued in their paper, make sure they write down that they need to add examples, or better yet, have them write down evidence that you help them come up with.
This authoritative balance also comes into play in other scenarios. For example, if a tutee shows up to session unprepared and/or with nothing to work on, it’s time to take charge. Make them go home and get their draft, their reading, something! You’re not going to help them by flashing your smile and passively allowing the two of you to waste an hour of your time. If a student expects you to give him/her all the answers because you’re such a “nice” tutor, tell them that’s not what you’re there for; if necessary, sit in silence for a few moments until the tutee realizes you’re not going to think for them. You’re just a tool in their writing process; they’re the ones that must learn how to build their own skills.
Regaining authority does not require you to be molded into a drill sergeant, although we all know how nice it is to be saluted once in a while. In fact, if you take your power trip too far you will offset the balance needed for success, and your tutees will never reach their destinations.
It is extremely difficult to know how to set a balance with each new tutee because every person and every situation is different. I am not an expert, but I have learned that being too “sweet” does not help most students with writing, just like being too cold and strict prevents most tutees from reaching their potential. A combination of the two could work best as long as we’re aware of how many possibilities are out there. Based on my experiences, it is not impossible nor difficult to restore a balance if you start off on the wrong foot, but it sure helps to consider what has happened to me before beginning your tutoring sessions. Be prepared to adapt your style and adjust your techniques in ways you never imagined possible because you’ll never know what to expect when it comes to college freshmen, and you want to offer them every resource you can to get the most out of your time together.
Our unique positions as writing assistants embody the qualities of friend, fellow student, and instructor all in one. We must exhibit the support and good character a friend would give to another, share and sympathize with the awful writing experiences that a fellow student knows a freshman has, and use our experience and knowledge to help our tutees be better writers by having faith in their capabilities and working hard. If you have trouble asserting a more authoritative voice in yourself like I did, it is important to remember that the students are not buying a friend, they are paying for you to help them improve their writing. Ask your tutee what they want to accomplish from their tutoring sessions specifically, while keeping in mind that you don’t have to be such a hard ass to make those things happen - that’s what their professors are there for. Find out what combination of best friend and dictator best serves this purpose and behave accordingly; it is what you are hired to do.
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